A riddle: How many body parts can the medical community chop off or dig out and toss away before there’s nothing more to give and the organism ceases to be able to function. (Warning: Not all riddles contain humor.) And I don’t know the answer or do I really want to know. Since my wife’s second breast cancer diagnosis and the removal of both breasts, this question lurks in every dark corner of our lives. Her first cancer, a sarcoma, cost her 3 ribs. The second type of cancer, thyroid, cost her her thyroid gland, and of course, now both breasts.
In the hospital, before she went into surgery, my wife whispered to me that I’d gotten a “lemon” for a wife. I told her I’ve had my share of “lemons” but she definitely wasn’t one of them! In fact, having her as my partner and wife has enriched every moment of my life, and has for 26 plus years. She’s the kindest and most loving person I’ve ever known. Ultimately, life isn’t about body parts, is it? (My gallows psychic creeps in on Vincent Price breath and mocks, “unless there aren’t enough of them.”)
Being a writer, I keep trying to come up with a food, a flowery plant, or whatever that would best replace the idea of a “lemon.” Maybe it’s because we’re waiting for the call from the hospital regarding the pathology report, all I can come up with is: a frosty mug of Indian Pale Ale on a hot summer day and a package of salted pistachios…Or, in winter, a hot bath with a glass a cabernet…
She’s my adult beverage.
(To read about the shit that crouches in dark dank corners of my mind, scroll down to: “Chewing on Chocolate-Flavored Plastic Dog Bones.”)
Indeed, all riddles are not dressed in comic assumption, but your questions, be they whispered from the darkened gallows or the warmest of sunny spots, are all deserving of answers. How many parts can one lose before we cease to be? Brings to mind a commercial of our youth, remember, “how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” Answer – who gives a shit!!! The business of living is restrained and limited by our minds and our minds alone, re: Stephen Hawking, fucked up body to the max, but brilliantly LIVING. Mind you, I said the “business of…”. I refer not to the business of being “alive” but rather what we intend and do with our moments here, on this earth with our loved ones, being present and aware of the movement of the second hand. Regardless of the shoes we don, or the hat that defines the day, or the “adult beverage” that soothes us, we are, at this moment, ALIVE, and therefore, must LIVE. Terrifyingly, we choose to what degree, we stall, or we move. My heart hurts for you both. I, personally, have known only minimal body pain, unlike your wife. I want her to be healed and whole. I relate more with your journey, having walked it. I want you to be healed and whole. I see joyfulness and beautiful moments as a manifestation of our determination. You two ladies got this, you got this thing and it does not matter what the answer is to those questions that come as dark clouds, swirling and twisting in your mind as you navigate the murkiness of life right now, all that matters is that you are both ALIVE and so you LIVE, right now, this moment, reaching in what ever direction you must for the j & b (joy and beauty) that life still holds for you both. Make it happen, my friend, do this thing!!! LIVE it well, for all you’re worth, live it WELL!!! xo